I am not talking about my clothes or a book or anything like that. And I am not talking from a child's perspective either. I am talking about my body. DONT TOUCH IT'S MINE! I hope it's clear to all the people out there. My body is my personal space. I don't want anyone touching it. I have been very possessive or rather protective about my body. I have had the sense of this belonging that my body belongs to me and exclusively to me since I was quite young. I vividly remember three incidents in which I have asserted that my body is not for any Tom, Dick or Harry to touch and feel. It has always stirred up a feeling of immense anger in me and led up to behaviour deemed as irrational by the people around me. But for me it was the most natural and instinctive way to behave.
I spend most of my childhood in a country of the Middle East. I wouldn't say that the country or the people of that country are bad, but some incidents that occurred there have left a lasting impression on me. But I have to add that its not as bad as we have it in India, when you have to face such incidents on a daily basis. Be its lewd comments or gestures, or pokes and pinches. India is certainly not a country where the women can roam around freely. For this state of affairs I would blame the women of my country itself. And the mindset of people in general that tells women to "Keep Quiet". I have had my share of bad experiences from both these places.
Picture courtesy :/http://www.studentlive.in/women-whats-safety-list.html/
When I was in 7th grade, we had a fair in our school. It was the first fair that was open to outsiders too. So I had gone to the fair with parents and sister. I was waiting in a queue to play one of the games. Slowly I realised that someone was trying to push something hard onto my posterior. I looked back and saw this man who was acting as if he knew nothing at all. By that time the queue had moved and it was my turn to play. I was thinking what to do, should I move away from that place after having stood in the queue for more than 15 mins or should I just play. I decided that I would not allow that mister to have his fun at my expense. Using one of my elbows as my protection, I pushed that man away from my body and with my other hand , I played the game. As soon I finished the game, I turned around to only see that he had dissappeared into the crowd. Yes, You might think, was my safety more important than the game, at the point and at that age, I felt that why should I give up something because of some action of a pervert. I didnt let him have his fun, but i dint run away either. I think, if we go on giving up things like travelling in a bus, going out late at night, of wearing clothes that we like, Its not going to bring a change in the minds of these men. Our only way out is to react. Show them that they cannot do what they want and we will not let that happen.
Another time, when I was in the 11th grade, me and my family were walking down one of the streets in the main centre. Although it was not so crowded, it was busy place. My father was walking just in front with my younger sister and my mom and me were walking behind them. All of a sudden, I felt someone pinch my derriere, without even thinking for a second, I turned around and started whacking the person who did that. I could reach only his stomach because he was a tall and well built man. My amma (mother) got so scared and she was telling me to stop. In the meantime, this giant, he escaped into one of the by lanes of the street. Amma started scolding me asking me why I was hitting a stranger. I told her that he pinched my butt, thats why. She was in a shock for a second and then went on to say this, "Even if he did that, should you hit him? What if he hits you back? He was such an emormous being, do you think your hitting him had any affect on him? Do you think it would have caused him any pain?" I was so angry with my amma, I asked her, " Then when he pinches my behind, what should I do? Tell him, go on, its ok????"
I understand that my mother would have been worried for my safety, but if we don't react to situations like this, it only gives these debauchees more courage to go to the next step. First would be commenting, then cat calls, then touching and feeling, then pinching, and finally these monsters will become so confident and audacious that they will not think twice about raping a person.
My experiences in India have been vast and varied, but the first time it happened, I still remember it. My cousins had all warned me of the possible kind of stuff, some men resort to while travelling in the bus and also given me some defence mechanisms for the same. So me and my mom were travelling in a bus and it was a long journey which was to take 3 -4 hours. We were both seated and I was sitting near the window seat. After an hour or so, i felt something touching my breasts. When I looked, I saw a wrinkly old hand. I moved myself and the hand retracted itself. I decided to put into action one of the defence mechanisms that my cousins had taught me. I asked my mother for a safety pin. I knew that the hand would return since there was no response from my end. I was prepared, the hand returned and a nice sharp poke it received from the safety pin. Yes, the safety pin does give us safety. I was very happy to hear that "oww" from behind. Amma was scared even then and she said that she will sit in my place. Poor thing, she thought that no one will try and fondle her. But the old man behind was just happy that he had got a new prey. He tried the same thing on my mom. My mom almost jumped out of her seat. I very happily passed on the safety pin to her and I can proudly say that the "Owww" this time round was louder than the last. Finally we both turned and glared at the old man behind and he squirmed out of his seat and disappeared somewhere towards the back of the bus.
I think its very important for women to react when someone misbehaves with them. It is not to taken lightly. I feel after years of us letting things go and not reacting, we have reached a stage where the perverts no longer fear anything and dont think twice about even raping a little child. We are responsible for this and we need to act as quick as possible to rectify it. I believe it is in our hands, in each of our hands, the power to stop such monsters. Don't stop the daughters from going out, dressing up. Instead teach the sons how to behave, how to accpet a "no", how to respect women. Each step is important.
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