Just let them be

    The other day, I was having a discussion with a friend who is planning to adopt a baby girl. She has been facing stiff opposition from parents on both sides. Now she and her husband are finally ready to bring the baby home. One of the parents says "We have been dreading the day that you would give us this sad news". It made me really angry at that time to hear this. I mean aren't this couple doing something good? How many people have the courage and open heartedness to accept someone into your family in this way. But this post is not about my frustration or my rant.
    We as parents always have expectations from our children. However hard we may try not to show it or express it. But what about their expectations from us. Wouldn't they want us to be able to understand them?  Let them be a certain way if that's what gives them happiness? So I have thought of all kinds of situations that my son would or could probably come up with that might cause distress in me. And honestly right now all I can say is that unless he hurts another person or thing (like murder, rape or steal) I would stand by him. Just let him be. Let him take his decisions. I know he might not always do things that please me. I would explain the pros and cons to him as I know it (I don't know about everything and my opinion needn't be right either). And then would let him take the decision himself.
    I don't know if it is the right or wrong way of parenting but this is the I am planning to do it. And I do it knowing that it won't be easy.

Saying YES or NO

            Is it good to give in to all the demands of your children? How can we decide when to say "YES" and when to say "NO" ? Does a 2 year old need to get toys everytime we go into a supermarket? And let me tell you that this supermarket visit is not once in a month or even once in a week. It is once in 2-3 days. Since the supermarket is pretty close by and on the way to and from the bus stop, everytime we come back from somewhere there is a chance to pop in and buy maybe a bottle of milk or a packet of bread. The fresher the better! But is that an excuse to buy a toddler toys? I mean, even if it not too expensive. Should I be saying YES to all his demands even if we may be able to afford it? 
       I guess by the tone I set itself, you understand I totally dont think that I should be giving in all his demands. Some may feel that if its affordable then why not buy it for the little child. Its only because I dont want to cultivate a habit where each and every wish of his is fulfilled. Yes, you ask me to buy you a box of strawberries, I will buy it for you. But only as long as there are no strawberries at home. I feel even a 2 year old needs to know that we will buy things that we mostly need. Its not that I am HITLER  mom or anything. I do buy small toys for my son once in a month. I buy them when he has shown good behaviour and tell him that this a gift for him helping me and for behaving in a calm way in the supermarket. 
       And with this little one, I am lucky that he understands. He completely understands that when he behaves well, he will be rewarded. And when he misbehaves, he will be punished. I feel it is important for children to know that a NO means a NO and to be able to accept it. As a 2 year old, my son cries for maybe 30 seconds. When he is calm, I tell him, that we cannot buy toys everyday. We will buy them but after a few days maybe. When he promptly replies "Yes, amma", my heart fills up with so much love that I want to give him a kiss and tell him that he is really a good boy. 
      Sometimes I also feel guilty when I focus on the "good boy" too much. At times, I try to remove those 2 magic words while asking him to do something. Like if I ask him to help me put the clothes out to dry. I dont say he's a good boy, instead I say "Thank you" and "Love you" and that works fine too.
     Ahhh....he's woken up! Time for me to return to my motherly duties :)